Image public domain, modified from original.

The first time I flipped the switch, it did nothing. Kristine laughed as I circled the house trying to find what it was connected to.

“What if it does something crazy? Like changes the gravity in one of the rooms and makes things float?”

She laughed, shaking her head.

It wasn’t until a year later we plugged the Christmas tree lights in and learned the switch controlled the lights. Weird that it didn’t seem to control anything plugged in there before.

Now, decades later, every time I go to switch it on, dread washes over me. If the lights go…


ADVICE

https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/ Source

In this age of pestilence and brainlessness, we all know the zombie population is getting more ravenous by the second. Everyone has a few tricks up their sleeves to repel zombie hoards, and the most popular are those that convince them that you have no brain. But did you know an unexpected historical bomb is like a Molotov cocktail to those disgusting dead folks with a fondness for slow-walking?

This handy list offers a smattering of both. It aims to help everyone from the most novice dead head hunter to the expert automaton executioner. …


MICROFICTION

Royalty-free from Wikimedia Commons

“Don’t get off!” the filthy man with purple gum in his hair shouted at Ezra. He turned and barked the same phrase at the other commuters.

He looked familiar, Ezra thought as he clutched his backpack, but the man’s sunglasses and cloth face-covering prevented him from placing him.

Ezra’s temper was on a hair-trigger. Losing his temper meant losing his grip on reality and someone might die. He slipped off at the next stop.

Soon, he sat in the park to calm down, but someone was making a repetitive cracking sound. …


HUMOR/POETRY

Licensed from Shutterstock

When you ask where my ideas come from be sure,
That you’re ready to go on the grand tour,
Get ready for a wild ride,
As I take you deep inside,
My mind where all my ideas are far from mature.

Here you’ll see some truly startling sights,
And learn my characters control all my rewrites,
“We know what’s best,”
My heroes expressed,
They always get their way in all of our fights.

I might start out with a detailed grand design,
Or okay, maybe just a title and tagline,
But they always take the reins,
Like little brain hurricanes,
It’s their story and…


HUMOR/SATIRE

Based on Gledden Entertainment’s “Weekend at Bernie’s” promotional poster. Trump photo from The Associated Press. Fair use. Modified by author.

Dying Hard Is a Hoax

While falling from the top of Nakatomi Plaza at the hands of shoeless John McClane, Hans Gruber staves off his terror of defeat and impending death once he realizes that he couldn’t possibly be beaten by a raggedy-looking, down-on-his-luck detective with no shoes. …


SATIRE/HUMOR

Michael Vadon, CC BY-SA 4.0 <https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0>, via Wikimedia Commons

“I did a great job at losing. I lost bigger than anyone has ever seen before. I lost bigly and magnificently. All will tell of me, the fabled loser for years to come. I lost so big and I’m the best at losing.”

Those were the words that rang through the east side of the White House. Only seconds before, the president had falsely claimed that this election was a fraud on the American people and had declared himself the winner, but reporters were baffled by his strange and sudden shift to truthfulness.

“None of us knows what happened,” said…

Bill DuBay Jr.

Grew up with the laughter of Jim Henson echoing down the hall and the likes of Stan Lee darkening my door. Fiction is in my bones. Awkward humor is my maladie.

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